gillsramblings

They`re watching !!!

Sun, 07 May 2006 19:46:20 +0200

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private property

Sun, 07 May 2006 19:42:38 +0200

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Which came first ????

Mon, 10 Apr 2006 02:09:29 +0200

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Barbie

Fri, 07 Apr 2006 19:06:37 +0200

One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly
remembers that it's his daughter's birthday. He pulls over to a toy shop and asks the salesperson, "How much for one of those Barbies in the display window?"

The salesperson answers, "Which one do you mean, sir? We have:
Work Out Barbie for £19.95,
Shopping Barbie for £19.95,
Beach Barbie for £19.95,
Disco Barbie for £19.95,
Ballerina Barbie for £19.95,
Astronaut Barbie for £19.95,
Skater Barbie for £19.95,
Skiing Barbie for £19.95,
and Divorced Barbie for £265.95

The amazed father asks: "You what?! Why is the Divorced Barbie
£265.95 and the others only £19.95?"

The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers:
"Sir..., "Divorced Barbie comes with:
Ken's Car,
Ken's House,
Ken's Boat,
Ken's Furniture,
Ken's Computer and...
One of Ken's Friends

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Windpowered Vibrators

Mon, 20 Mar 2006 21:46:37 +0100

For the flatulent woman

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Unanswered Questions

Mon, 20 Mar 2006 21:40:19 +0100

1.Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE

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2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool? (My sentiments exactly)

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3.OK..... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and theTampaBay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the Tennessee Titans?

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4.If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it?

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5. There are three religious truths:
a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.
c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters.

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6. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

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7. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

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8. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

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9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?

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10. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist?

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11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

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12 If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

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13. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

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14 Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

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15. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

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16. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me ...they're cramming for their final exam.

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17. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? toothpicks?

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18. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

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19 If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

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20. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

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21. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

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22. If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?

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23. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

As income tax time approaches, did you ever notice: When you put the two words "The" and "IRS" together it spells
"THEIRS"?

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One coat my arse

Sat, 18 Mar 2006 02:34:00 +0100

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By day a mild mannered.............

Fri, 17 Mar 2006 23:23:03 +0100

family pet, but by night

BATDOG !!!

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who stole my spliff man ?

Fri, 17 Mar 2006 22:07:58 +0100

`Who stole my spliff man `

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technology is how old ?

Fri, 17 Mar 2006 15:52:41 +0100

“After digging to a depth of 100 metres last year, Russian scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 1000 years, and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network one thousand years ago.

So, not to be outdone, in the weeks that followed, American scientists dug 200 metres and headlines in the US papers read: “US scientists have found traces of 2000 year old optical fibres, and have concluded that their ancestors already had advanced high-tech digital telephone 1000 years earlier than the Russians.”

One week later, the Israeli newspapers reported the following: “After digging as deep as 5000 metres, Israeli scientists have found absolutely nothing.They have concluded that 5000 years ago, their ancestors were already using wireless technology

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Little girl and wabbits

Fri, 17 Mar 2006 13:04:02 +0100

An adorable little girl, all blonde curls and blue eyes walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp:

“Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbiths?”

The shopkeeper’s heart melts and he gets down on his knees, so that he’s on her level, and asks:

“Do you want a widdle white wabby or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabby over there?”

She, blushing, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice, “I don’t fink my python weally givth a phuck.”

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